It Doesn’t Matter What You Say, It Matters What You Do
Mental health is complicated territory. By no means am I someone to consult about it — I obviously have no certifications, I’ve only read some books — but I have ideas about why our lives between our ears can take a turn for the worst.
Many people have chemical imbalances that require adjustment. Many people have childhood trauma that takes decades, if not an entire lifetime, to sort out. And others have issues that are outside of their control. But for many of us, I believe that feelings of anxiety and depression can be mitigated by being at a proper standing with ourselves according to what we expect of our lives.
We all have an internal clock. We’re all aware that our days are numbered. Many people over the age of 21 dread telling you how old they are. They don’t even want to remind themselves. Some avoid celebrating birthdays altogether.
We all have visions of how we want our lives to look, and how they could look. But once age starts adding up, we either get closer or farther away from what we’ve envisioned for ourselves. This can create a depression that life isn’t what it should be, or an anxiety that the future doesn’t store enough time to correct or create what could become.
I’ll reiterate that this is an extreme oversimplification of one aspect of mental health and I’m by no means claiming that this is the only cause. Various factors, whether they be diet, sleep, work woes, life insatisfaction, chemical imbalances, thyroid issues, gut bacteria, and a slew of others can cause mental health problems. I’m only noting the factors that can cause problems that are within our control.
And I will argue that mental health requires a holistic approach. There must be a catalog of an entire person’s life. If a person has, say, 10 life categories and they want to successfully fill out 8 of them, but they’ve only filled out 2 and the rest are in shambles, then it makes a great deal of sense that they might not be living in the happiest of mental states.
In these examples, many feelings of anxiety and depression could begin to be alleviated if some of the categories were successfully filled out or if progress was clearly on the horizon.
Working Toward Progress Isn’t a Given
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” — Epictetus
Even if a lack of effort produces misery, it isn’t obvious that anyone would actually work towards the things the say they want. We all know this because it’s pretty common. We see people who often say they’ll aim at something, but years later there’s little or no result. Why’s that?
Well, one possibility is that it’s simply much easier to just, do nothing. There’s no effort involved in nothing. There’s no sacrifice of one thing for another. There’s no discipline. There’s no sweet or tears. And, what’s very important, is there’s no failure. That’s big.
Aiming at anything increases your likelihood of failure, and even worse, you could look like a fool if people think you don’t belong or you just don’t cut it. Why would anyone willingly place themselves in the way of mishap, error, or humiliation? That’s intimidating territory. There’s people who are at the ready to chop you down and criticize your shortcomings, failures, and even your successes. These people often reveal more cruelty than we’d ever expect.
Better yet, if we never try, we always have an excuse for why things didn’t pan out. That’s a convenient strategy, too. We all know the people who live by those “I could’ves” and “I was better than” and “It wasn’t important to me” statements. Could there ever be more convenient answers to pull out of a back-pocket?
And if worse comes to worst and people are admittingly unhappy with their lack of effort, well, at least they can complain and congregate with other people who are also unhappy with their effort. Misery loves company.
There’s also the fact that despite your efforts, the future may not work out as you envision. Pursuing requires faith — not in a spiritual sense, but in the practical sense of your process and abilities. Regardless of outcome, you have to determine that effort is worth it. You have to decide that a future failed is better than a future not attempted. Because results, if they do come, will take a long time.
Time Goes Regardless of What You Do
Like an hourglass who’s sand is falling rapidly, we’re all losing time. No matter who we are, our commitments and responsibilities only seem to dog-pile as we age. This creates a greater sense of fatigue and feeling that time is lacking. Time goes whether we use it or not.
Here’s a riddle about three frogs I came across. They are all sitting on a leaf. If one of them decides to jump, how many are on the leaf? Surprise — there’s still three frogs. We were told that the frog “decided” to jump, not that it actually did. A decision and an action are not the same.
The world won’t stand still just because we do. It keeps going whether we decide to keep pace or not. Sometimes we have the choice to keep pace. Other times illness, death of a family member, termination from a job, or other unplanned and serious incidents bring us to a dead halt. Why not aim to be as far ahead of the problems as we can before they arise?
The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “No one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you, must cross the river of life. There may be countless trials and bridges and demigods who would gladly carry you across; but only at the price of pawing and forgoing yourself. There is one path that none can walk but you. Where does it lead? Don’t ask, walk!”
And Seneca, the Stoic philosopher, wrote poignantly on our use of time in his work On the Shortness of Life. “Life is long if you know how to use it.” The rapper NF says it succinctly, too. “We waste a lot of time crying over wasted time.”
As difficult as it is to properly use time, it’s an advantage that we’re still blessed with, especially those of us who are shortly coming off college graduation. Ask many adults and they’ll admit they wish they had more time, or that they could go back and use it properly.
To use time the right way we have to sacrifice the present to bargain with the future. That’s not necessarily easy. We all want to relax, catch our breath, and hope the future will work out as we wish. But it won’t. Not unless we actively aim to make the future what we wish it would be, doing so by working toward it in the present.
There’s a passage in Revelation 10:9 of the Bible. It’s fitting because this is Bible’s last book, and one that many religious people believe prophesied the end of all things. It says, “So I went to the angel and asked him to give me the little scroll. He said to me ‘Take it and eat it. It will turn your stomach sour, but in your mouth it will be as sweet as honey.” As we can see, this wasting of time feels good now, but the anguish of its lacking will be felt in the long run.
