Why Chasing Success Might Be A Big Mistake
Words are powerful. They pack layers of meaning. A poorly communicated message can leave a lasting imprint, and a well-crafted message can carry people through the toughest times. That humans are able to come to a shared understanding through words is nothing short of magical. Every time we place words on paper to make sense of a complicated issue or speak out loud to find a mutual understanding with a stranger or during an argument, we act as magicians.
With words, we’re always assuming an implied meaning. Each character, letter, word, and sentence is a combination of arbitrary syllables that have been given meaning and definitions to create language. We come to understand that the letter “a” makes the “ah” sound in the begging of the word “apple”. Then we’re able to piece together the meaning of sentences when they have larger, more complicated words like asymptote or diversion. But objectively, these are simply shapes, and their meaning and definitions have been given by humans.
What makes words complicated is that they can all lead to assumptions. How many times has someone accused us of saying something that we didn’t say, because we failed to communicate what we actually meant?
Successful communication navigates around a possible assumption to ensure that a shared understanding occurs. So when I say the word “base,” we both know whether or not I’m talking about a military base, third base on the baseball field, or the lowest part of a structure in a building. Savvy communicators can manipulate the use of these words for their own gain or to communicate a specific message. Like language guru and media strategist Dr. Frank Luntz says, “It’s not what you say, it’s what people hear.”
In business and life we are fond of many words. These words are used to describe the targets we’re aiming at, what type of results we’ve achieved, and descriptions of processes, among many other things.
If you do a quick scan of your LinkedIn and Twitter feed, you’ll likely find multiple instances of the word “success.” Success is a broad and ambiguous term used to describe reaching a goal, metric, or accomplishing something. But using Dr. Frank Luntz’ saying from above, when we say the word success, what do we actually hear? What are we actually implying?
Let’s Filter Through the Noise
When we read, hear or think of the word success, I think our brains assume two things.
- We imagine the ephemeral, external and societal ideals of success — a sports car, suite at the Red Sox game, or a title like CEO and a corner office. These relics are tokens of years of hard labor, outward symbols to showcase what one has accomplished.
- Beneath that definition and the examples that fall within the first camp, there’s another meaning. This meaning is what you actually want to accomplish. And only you, deep inside, know what those accomplishments are.
Our own definitions of success may be large goals, like owning businesses or writing books. Other definitions might be more modest. Some people might even admit that they haven’t determined what success looks like — at least not yet.
Any number of combinations are possible for how we define success. These combinations are what complete the inner ideals that are true to us as individuals, based on our value systems, needs, and wants.
The problem lies in not only accepting our inner value systems, but filtering through outside pressure to assume definitions that aren’t relevant to us.
Life Gives Each of us a Roll Call
In Ryan Holiday’s book Ego is the Enemy, he shares the story of John Boyd. You may wonder who Boyd is, and that lack of recognition might be by design.
Boyd was an innovative, skilled, and talented Air Force fighter pilot, Pentagon consultant, and military strategist. The theories he created have been used in sports, business, litigation, and the military. Despite the various talents Boyd had, through humility and dedication, he focused on job and country above all else. Accolades and honors weren’t his focus, and Boyd shared this message with those he led.
According to Ego is the Enemy, Air force corporal John Boyd shared the following message with recruits he thought might be special. He’d say that they would come to a fork in the road, a roll call that life gives everyone. They could decide either to be, or to do. And both weren’t an option.
In our lives, to be might mean that we get the Porsche. We’ll get the yacht and the house in the Hampton’s. We’ll throw the lavish party like we’re Gatsby, or other moderate forms of these examples. And there isn’t anything wrong with that. For some of us, these are the goals.
But to do, this route is trickier. This route might mean that we get no recognition. We get no accolades. We live a quiet and modest life based on our own value system and needs, but we know we pursued our true why, not the why that we’re told to pursue by popular culture and our social media feeds.
At this fork, Boyd would tell recruits they had to make the decision. They had to choose between being somebody and doing something.
Boyd would continue by telling these recruits that choosing to be somebody meant making compromises. It might mean recruits would have to turn their backs on their friends. But they would get to be a member of special clubs, get promoted, and get good assignments.
In the other direction — to do something — Boyd would say that the recruits who chose this route would do something for their country, for the Air Force, and for themselves. The only problem was, this route might mean not getting promoted, not getting good assignments, and not being the favorite of superiors. But in this scenario, there was no compromise. This scenario allowed for one to stay true to friends, themselves, and their work might make a difference.
“To be somebody or to do something. In life there is often a roll call. That’s when you will have to make a decision. To be or to do? Which way will you go?” Boyd’s message would end.
This roll call happens for each of us. What do we choose? To be or to do? How do our definitions of success intertwine with what we chase after? Have we defined our definitions according to our value systems and what we actually want out of life?
Answering the roll call is hard, and it happens in life more than once. It’s a continuous challenge to stick to what we value instead of what others expect or want of us. At every promotion, every new chapter, and especially with success, comes the temptation to trade doing something for being someone. And these compromises aren’t only present in our jobs, but also our personal lives.
When these roll calls happen, I think the answer is to chase the value system and end results that we’ve mapped out for ourselves. To chase the definition that we’ve ascribed to an otherwise arbitrary word “success.” Otherwise, we may make the mistake of basing our lives on an incorrect definition.
