You Don’t Have To Be Someone
What determines ambition? Why would any of us want to ‘be someone? Is it a personality trait? Does it happen in our DNA? Do we emphasize status and recognition because of what we value in Western culture?
There’s variables at play, but we do know that drive and determination are human traits. To progress and move forward is biological. Survival of the fittest. People of all cultures push their limits to see what the human spirit is capable of. We work hard. We’re gritty. We’re tough.
But accidentally, with the best intentions, we tell people that anything is possible. We tell people that if they dream it, they can do it. It’s a pleasant sentiment, but it’s not necessarily true. We forget to mention that some people are indeed more talented. Some people are willing to give more effort. They’re willing to sacrifice more. And luck is involved.
But besides the variables at play, why do we want to ‘be someone’ anyway? Out of ego and vanity? Is it duty and obligation? Are we doing our best for the sake of doing our best? Is it for a reward at the end of an invisible tunnel? Have we even considered the time involved?
The Stoic philosopher Epictetus said, “It is true, however, that no bull reaches maturity in an instant, nor do men become heroes overnight. We must endure a winter training, and can’t be dashing into situations for which we aren’t yet prepared.”
There’s levels for a human to get from a one to a ten. We can read a famous quote, feel inspired and understand its sentiment, but do we realize the work, time, and practice that it took for that person’s mind to conceptualize reality into a bite-sized snippet? The quote might have even just been them thinking out loud and hardly an afterthought.
Just because we can read a quote doesn’t mean we understand its implications, implementations, or the processes involved for its mode of thinking to develop. The real questions are, do we understand the quote well enough to apply and execute it? To truly grasp its meaning and consequence? The struggle required to achieve its message? Or is the quote just words we engage in as we scroll through a feed?
We Aren’t All Equal
That we see those we admire online might delude us. Being able to realize and relate to their humanity acknowledges that we are all human, but that doesn’t acknowledge what they’ve done and the breaks that were required for them to become who they are. A pro athlete makes things look simple, and we might readily chalk it up to talent and work ethic, but do we forget that each walk of life is the same?
Everything is cultivated through repetition, yes, but some people are inherently more capable. Just as there’s levels to the athlete, there is the same for the philosopher and the journalist and the marketer. Don’t be fooled by the results. There is more than just years and work when it comes to success. There’s also ability and talent.
The message isn’t pleasant. But it’s true. It’s humbling. And it’s freeing. We aren’t all created equal. We aren’t all as good as the next person up. We can only be as good as our own best. We shouldn’t fool ourselves about what we’re capable of, but we must still try our damnedest to see what our best looks like.
What can we make of ourselves? Isn’t that the world we all want to live in? A world where everyone has reached the closest version of what they’re capable of becoming?
It’s Better To Do Than To Be
It’s interesting that we often assume there’s a reward in being someone. As if existence is exalted because of status or power or celebrity. But we don’t even know what some people do to get there. What did it cost them? To what end did they go? Who did they hurt? What did they give up? Isn’t it anything but freeing to have a reputation that one must live up to? Who wants to feel like a product that always has to be sold or shown off? The rapper NF says, “perfect people don’t exist so don’t pretend to be one.”
Why do we often assume we’re ready for more responsibility? That we’re qualified to make tough decisions or do work that has an impact? What have we proven? Most of us have barely gotten started. What do we know? We first have to become competent at the tasks at hand, then more tasks are given. No one should rush into the responsibility of decisions that have consequence, or those that put people’s livelihoods on the line, or decisions that require one to be an influence and set an example.
And as we strive, it all fades, mattering less and less. The Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius would say, “In no time at all ashes or bare bones, a mere name or not even a name: and if a name, only a sound and echo. The ‘prizes’ of life, empty, rotten, puny: puppies snapping at each other, children squabbling, laughter turning straight to tears.” But what doesn’t fade? He says, “Faith, Honour, Justice and Truth ‘fled up to Olympus from the wide-wayed earth.”
Time is the great equalizer. It forgets us all the same. In Les Misérables Gavroche sings, “Here is the thing about equality, everyone’s equal when they’re dead.” Our insignificance is permanent, but what we can contribute can last forever. That which is good is timeless. “Faith, Honour, and Justice,” as Marcus Aurelius said. These stand the test of generations. They stand the test of civilizations.
We aren’t guaranteed to be anyone on the grand stage, but locally, every day is an opportunity to give toward our duty and what’s right for one another. There’s a reason that love and sacrifice and effort — even in the face of great adversity and improbable odds— are seen as heroic. It’s an archetype. The one which we all admire and often aspire to live out.
The Air Force fighter pilot and military strategist John Boyd would give a famous “to be or to do” speech. To be meant that one would sacrifice their values, their family, and who they are for status. To do meant that one would do their work, do the right thing, and make the difficult decisions. All the goals that we aim for are fleeting, even if they’re attained. They’ll require great sacrifice. But of what kind? Of effort or of self? Which direction do we choose? Sacrifice for what we know is right, or do we do what wins the applause of an impermanent crowd at the moment? Success at either comes with its challenges. But one comes with loss.
Contribution Is What’s Permanent
“And this, too, shall pass,” Abraham Lincoln said while recalling the words of an Eastern monarch. People quote the phrase as an uplifting thought to get them through tough times, but it’s true of our own existence, too. Marcus Aurelius reminds, “Reflect often on the speed with which all things in being, or coming into being, are carried past and swept away. Existence is like a river in ceaseless flow, its actions a constant succession of change, its causes innumerable in their variety: scarcely anything stands still, even what is most immediate.”
Marcus Aurelius would go further still “Reflect too on the yawning gulf of past and future time, in which all things vanish. So in all this time it must be folly for anyone to be puffed with ambition, racked in struggle, or indignant at his lot — as if this was anything lasting or likely to trouble him for long.”
So when we contemplate the immensity of life, the magnitude of our existence, and the small role we are blessed to play, what are we to do? What is there to do? Like a young child who sees the ocean for the first time, the answer is to be grateful. To be appreciative of the trip. To feel awe, reverence, and humility, even though we aren’t nearly as important as we think we are, or we’d like to be. And that’s OK. Importance isn’t the point. The point is to see where we can contribute to the whole. Where we can add to what is permanent — Faith, Honour, Sacrifice, Love, Effort, Community, and Truth.
